An Attitude of Gratitude

We were wrapping up an adult Sunday school class when the kids Sunday School teacher came in and asked if we could help by providing a definition for “bitter.” The kids had just finished up their lesson in which the term “bitter/bitterness” was introduced and there were some 9,10,11-year-olds who seemed to not be gaining a sufficient understanding of the term and the instructor was hoping a group of additional adults might be able to help the kids grasp the concept better.

Well, I/we failed. No one could seem to put together a competent sentence with real words that could transfer our thoughts, understandings and experiences into an answer for them in a manner which could garner an understanding. We all knew the term, all of us were familiar with the concept, but it seemed to illude our ability to provide a resolution.

That failure just did not sit well with me. I knew what it was, I knew what it meant, I could point it out, but I just could not put it into words at that time. I spent most of the following week scanning my thoughts, my memory, the internet, prayers and the scriptures to try and develop a response for an adolescent audience for the term “bitter.”

So, I gave up trying to find a “kids” answer and just targeted a viable answer that I personally could understand. Although that revised goal still required more thought than I felt it should, it did allow the following explanation to be formed:

An attitude of being bitter is derived over time by repeated expectations of being disappointed in outcomes due to a feeling of not getting what is deserved (entitlement).

I was feeling pretty good about that definition except I was not all that confident in kids being able to grasp all the included criteria (i.e., time based/not immediate, expectation of disappointment, self-entitlement). As such I turned to my resident expert for all things I do not understand (i.e., my wife) and quoted to her my thoughts and my concern for understanding by children. She reminded me that our current social constructs have developed significant “entitlement” expectations for all our children (via social media, mass media, advertisements, home, etc.). Most of which will never actually be realized.

I mentioned that it seemed to me that perhaps kids had not been around long enough to become bitter in their short life spans. I then was reminded that kids develop attitudes the same as adults. Adults have been alive longer, so the bitterness development would be based on that time frame, kids have not been around as long, but they have been around all of their own respective lives, so the development timeframes would be shortened to match their own existence.

Wow, now that is a realization that seems so appropriate when considering all the ramifications of “bitterness.” Bitterness can be associated with depression, despair, generalized sadness, anger, angsts, anxiety, etc.; many/several/most of those conditions have currently become more prevalent among our youth. Could bitterness be an inclusive definition for what today’s children are experiencing (from a broad scale macro perspective)? It does seem to fit when associated with all the side-effects of being bitter.

Okay, let us pretend for a moment we can call this a compromised consensus definition for which a larger number of folks can agree rather than disagree. What do we do with that? How about if we start by turning the definition around just a bit in order to assist in understanding:

There is a feeling of entitlement
There is a feeling they will not get what they are entitled to
This loss of entitlement is repeated multiple times over and over again

I am beginning to think this is something a kid might just be able to grasp. Now before we go much further, how about we admit we are no longer just talking about kids and we have abandoned the goal of simply trying to explain the term to them specifically.

Bitterness might be another way to explain teenage angsts, but it is also a prevalent condition of senior citizens (the angry old man), young adults (why can’t we just get ahead) and a growing general population of those trying to make ends meet. It seems a rather easy step to start having an expectation of disappointment based on what we think we should be getting in return for all our efforts, right?

Now before we go off the edge too far, the following are some of the descriptions offered from various published dictionaries. I feel it is significant that most dictionaries do not offer much if any thought toward “bitter” as a noun.

Webster’s dictionary description of “bitter” when used as an adjective:

distasteful or distressing to the mind; exhibiting intense animosity; harshly reproachful; marked by cynicism and rancor

Cambridge dictionary offers the following description as an adjective:

Someone who is bitter is angry and unhappy because they cannot forget bad things that happened in the past

Oxford dictionary states the following for bitter used as an adjective:

(of people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.

I do believe the Cambridge and Oxford dictionaries are similar enough to our definition as stated earlier and since Webster’s description does not disagree, I am going to move forward with confidence our definition is sufficient to convey an accurate understanding of the term “bitter.” Okay, I no longer feel like a complete failure in reference to my “first language,” and I have managed to conquer the quest to understand the term bitter (even though the initial lack of linguistic skill remains a bit of embarrassment, we press on).

Why was it so awkward and challenging to explain “bitter” in words? I believe it is partially because initial thoughts toward the term bitter/bitterness is not whether it is a noun, verb, adjective or adverb, but we perceive it as an attitude. And attitudes are just a bit more personal, a tish more self-defined and a whole lot more intimate than just being a word in a book that describes a color for dirt. This individualized specificity makes it something possibly to protect, to defend, to preserve the same as life itself, because it is such an integral part of our lives.

This kind of reminds me of one of my dad’s sayings, “The easiest flaws to witness are those of others while our own remain a mystery, illusive and obscure. It all boils back to the age-old struggle of splinters versus beams.” How does that help, well maybe it explains how we inherently seem to avoid excessive self-reflection. We can easily and readily identify what “others” need to work on to better themselves while our own personal development perhaps stagnates. And, since it needs to be said, the only way to start fixing a problem is to first recognize there is a problem.

Just like any other illness diagnosis, perhaps we can start by identifying the symptoms of the given ailment:

Are we depressed or experiencing prolonged periods of depression?
Do we feel a bit angry because we are not getting what we feel we deserve?
Are we experiencing increased anxiety due to not seeing paths to success?
Do we feel as if there is and has been a target placed on our backs?
Does it seem like “joy” is unrealistic because sadness has become normal?
Are one or more of the previous items a daily condition?

Are we suffering from an attitude of bitterness? Are we enduring one or more of the symptoms listed? Are we able to mask our responses with a qualifier “yes, but not all the time?” Are we willing and able to be honest about how we are feeling?

So, let’s just say, for grins and giggles (in order to feel okay about ourselves), that according to the symptoms, we are sometimes bitter. What does that mean about us as a person? Perhaps, the most analytically correct thing it says is “yup, we are human.” But what it also says is that a given attitude is not necessarily all inclusive, it is not a permanent status of being or a mandate of existence for all times.

Attitudes (even though interweaved within ourselves to the extent that perceptions, understandings, predictions, assumptions and conclusions typically find compliance therein) do not have to be left to fend for themselves. Attitudes can be fostered as opposed to just being allowed to fester.

Therein lies the crux. Where can we find an “attitude” that can be substituted for bitterness? We need one that can mitigate, overcome and minimize all the potential adverse effects of bitterness. It must hold the potential to alleviate anger and depression, overcome anxiety and sadness all while allowing us to feel fulfilled, successful and maybe hold in store just a twinge of contentment.

Welcome to the attitude of gratitude.

Let us start at the core, what is “gratitude?” Of course, we can once again avoid the intimacy of defining an attitude by simply conjugating the term; to be grateful, to be appreciative, to be thankful, etc. Our favorite published dictionaries all seem compliant while assessing it to be a noun:

Webster’s dictionary: the state of being grateful

Oxford dictionary: the quality of being thankful

Cambridge dictionary: a strong feeling of appreciation to someone or something

Once again, I would ask if we are talking about an attitude or simply an ingredient found in dirt?

As an attitude we would have to consider our perception of having “received” something from somewhere, some thing or someone else outside of and other than ourselves. And that “something” received holds a higher/better value than having nothing. As well, we acknowledge that although a personal indebtedness is felt, we are not made to feel a repayment is required.

Now that does not sound like something all that hard to achieve, does it? No, it does not. So then, why does it seem so elusive from a daily perspective? Why is it that some days the attitude of bitterness is far easier to wallow in then the attitude of gratitude is to manifest?

Could it possibly be due to our inherent natures? Bitterness takes no other effort than simply sitting back and being disappointed. Gratitude requires us to think, consider, apply comparisons, an actual mental effort. Gratitude would require us to prioritize a desire to feel better over the easy way out of just ho-hum, let it come, oh bother Eeyore (stuffed donkey of Winnie the Pooh fame) lifestyle. Is it really worth all that work and effort?

Is depression and despair more appealing than happiness and joy?
Is anxiety and anger more appealing than satisfaction and peace of mind?
Is failure and self-contempt more appealing than success and contentment?
Would an actual reward for victory be more appealing than just a participation trophy for being there?

Just to confirm, there are “right” answers to these questions and they are: no, no, no and yes.

As a bit of a teaser, maybe with a hint of a carrot-on-a-stick and just a smidgeon of a reminder of scriptural promise, do not deny yourself God’s full extent of blessings as is obtained/initiated/started through the attitude of gratitude. Please take just a moment to grasp that statement. Your attitude of gratitude is not only a blessing from God, but it also provides a path for His mercy and grace to infiltrate your existence and manifest into greater spiritual favor.

Here is just some basic common sense: A friend asks you to help and you provide aid as requested. If after all those efforts are completed the friend expresses appreciation, what would your attitude be and how likely are you to provide future aid upon request? Now alter that scenario just a bit, assistance is requested, you provide aid and the friend then ignores your efforts and forgets your participation, how generous will your next opportunity to serve your friend be? Common sense says your response will be more sincere and eager with the first scenario as opposed to the last.

This is an over-simplification using human mentalities to illustrate a point. Do not get overly wrapped up in sizing up God’s mercy, grace and forgiveness with mankind’s minimal scope relativism of holding grudges, not letting stuff go and selfishness of “what about me” comparisons. God is not like that.

Now then let’s say that we are new to this attitude and are not really sure how to gain a greater status of gratitude in our lives. Okay, how about we first try minimizing our expectations of entitlement. Do not assume this is anything close to “lowing the bar” or denying goals and aspirations. What it does mean is compare your expectation of results with your personal efforts to achieve those results. The expectations that should be considered for minimization are those which are focused more so on the expectations of others as opposed to yourself.

Gratitude could also be considered somewhat as a verb. You know, an action, a state of being, an occurrence, how about we focus on “action.” What actions can we take that helps promote an attitude of gratitude? Yes, that is just a bit of trick question, primarily all that is needed is a thought process. Another of my dad’s sayings was, “It doesn’t cost anything to think, how broke are you?” Oh, yes, he did. And as a dad, the resonance of that question posed, left a guilt encouraged to make corrections. My dad’s sternness and firmness were only exceeded by his patience to wait for us to achieve where we should have been all along.

Now do not get caught up in the classification of being a verb, our attitudes are far more significant than merely what we can do to and/or with dirt.

Let us start by simply considering something to be thankful for. Many tend to focus on morning occurrences. We woke up (but sometimes things hurt a lot when we awaken), the sun has risen again (but some mornings are dreary, rainy, cloudy, cold or we must go to work), my go to is generally the coffee pot is working, I have filters, coffee and creamer all available for my morning brew. I know the sun has risen regardless of current weather trends because the Earth is still intact. I know that I am still alive because I can feel the temperature of the room, see to find my house shoes and smell whether any of the dogs need to go outside immediately.

Why would targeting the little/small/insignificant things be my target? Because I want to ensure I am compliant with Jesus’ parable about the little things. You know the one, Luke chapter 19 starting about verse 12, Noble man was headed out of town and called his 10 servants together and gave each one a pound. He went away and upon return called his servants back together and asked them to report on what they had done with the moneys given to each of them. The first one reported he had gained 10 pounds, the second one had gained 5 pounds and the third one returned only the single pound as originally issued. Now to the first two he rewarded them with authority over much more, but the one who claimed fear denied him the ability to be of any value, he chastised for being lazy and useless. This is the parable that explains why being faithful in the little things allows God to bless you more so that you can be faithful in bigger things.

The same theory applies to the attitude of gratitude. Learn, train and practice being consistently grateful for the smallest of things and you will find greater, bigger, more abundant things deserving and being given your gratitude also. As you progress in your gratitude so will also blessings from God for your faithfulness, which in turn grants you more opportunity to be grateful, which in turn amplifies God’s blessings, which in turn amplifies your gratitude, and on and on it goes. It does not take all that long within this process before you might just notice a less and less draw and/or appeal to be bitter. You will have learned and experienced the true value of a grateful heart, a faithful spirit and a truly freed soul. We do need to monitor this “attitude” to ensure we are not just pursuing selfish ends, but are maintaining the purpose and motivation of remaining a “good and faithful servant.” We are grateful for what God has already done, period.

And in this state of ever-increasing gratitude, where has your anger gone, where has your anxiety gone, what has happened to your sorrow and sadness and/or your missing expectations. I would dare to say those things, those feelings, those once mandatory factors of life have been replaced with joy, fulfillment, satisfaction and contentment. And it is all because of the applied effort toward an attitude of gratitude as opposed to the effortless waste of bitterness.

Let us look at some of the pitfalls to avoid within a quest to increase one’s gratitude. I have brought up the term “dirt” a few times. I find dirt to typically be understood. There are not a whole lot of people that are not familiar with what it is. Most everyone knows of it, has seen it, possibly played in in it, maybe even swept it up a time or two. As well, because according to my doctor I am of an “advanced age,” some have even accused me of being older than said substance. As a result of that medical opinion, I was inspired to pin the following tale:

I am sometimes invited to remember, by those of a far more youthful premises of assumed prioritized memories, of dirt and its cause for existence, and as it stands by accusation, YES, I was there!

With a measure of modesty and honesty I cannot claim literal participation in its creation, dirt that is, as that which it has always been, in service and available to all without regard. However, perhaps, maybe by chance, my recollection of the occasion allows a slight value of participation in the actions which brought forth the form. I did not make it, but maybe just a little bit caused it.

There I was, among several, some a little more distant from myself then others, but most in hollering distance from my stance, I ventured a journey apart was warranted for I sought to see other things. So away my cadence did carry my path, hopping, jumping, straining to land footing against the rocks. Minimal apparel being the style of the times, bare footed my travel’s destiny entailed.

Apart and away, amidst the horizon yet reached, I happened upon a thought self-endowed to be worthy to express. So, gazing with intent sternly toward the heavens I spoke, “Hey God, hey Big Guy, hey could I bother You just a moment?” Once assured His attention was acquired, I proceeded with my request, “You know, these rocks are just a bit hard on my feet, any chance You could grant them Your Mercy and provide just a bit of relief?”

Then suddenly I heard a swoosh, kind of a whirl, a bit of what might have been thunder, along with a brightening of the air about me, followed by a gigantic POOF. Of course I was floored, and fearful to see what potential adversity I caused upon myself via my obviously arrogant request, but upon a timid traverse of eye lid peering, I discovered my life still upon me, my existence in corporal form was still intact, and my location fairly similar to prior event.

I asked, “hey God, what happened? I see very few, if hardly any more rocks,” God’s reply was short and simple, “I call it DIRT.” As opposed to the gratitude which should have been expressed my failed reply was, “Oh, yeah, I was thinking more along the line of Nike.”

His solution has lasted a whole lot longer.

End of tale.

As is sometimes the case we fail to grasp the value of things deemed to be of lessor value. Maybe we should pay more attention to what God has done for us as opposed to just what we think/thought/desire of Him to do for us. Maybe we need more practice in the trait of waiting and trusting in the Lord.

How grateful should I be for dirt? I like grass, I like trees, I like flowers, I like bushes, I like fruits and vegetables, obviously I like a whole lot of things that dirt provides, so perhaps I should be grateful for dirt and not just think of it as something to wash off the truck. Dirt could also be called “soil,” and I am grateful that a merciful and glorious God has seen fit to allow the conversion of my rocky, weed strewn, prickly thorn soil into an airyated, mulch enriched, structurally sound substrate allowing for His seed of salvation to grow, mature and be harvested for His service.

Does our limited scope understandings cusping upon foolishly bridled expectations deny us the blessing of being grateful? Of course it does. So, what is a solution for that self-induced limit on our reception of God’s mercy and grace? The same as all other corrective action requirements, acknowledge, repent and change. It is not tricky, it is not complicated, it does not require special academic credentials.

As with all other occasions and conditions in which a failure to properly serve the Lord, admit the fault/failure, repent for the mark missed, and as part of that repentance correct/change/alter body, mind and spirit to be in compliance.

This is not rocket science. Rocket science is the calculation and prediction of how much “boom” is required to displace a given mass a given distance at a given velocity within given control restraints that are repeatable. If nothing else, there is no “boom” required in typical attitudes of gratitude (that is unless you are an actual rocket scientist).

Do not miss the opportunity to gain understanding. The attitude of gratitude is one of God’s blessings. And we can access this gift of God by simply “thinking.” The blessing of gratitude is completely up to us. It is always available, just waiting for us to acknowledge and accept. It could be summed up as being outright silly not to receive it.

Through God’s grace due to the righteousness of His only begotten Son, Jesus the Messiah, our Savior, God’s Christ we pray for His understanding and mercy that nurtures our growth toward His Word, His Will, His Way; to and for His Glory. Amen